If you know me with any sort of intimacy you know that saying I take a little while to wake up is kind of an understatement. I just don't like waking up in the morning. People often say that I don't like mornings, which is false, I love the beauty of the morning. I just don't like waking up. It's whatever. These were the things that I was thinking about on March 8th, 2008. It was 6 am when I woke up in my room in our old house, messy as usual. I had made Blove come sleep with me that night. I had closed the store last night, why on earth ice cream stores had to stay open till 10 pm would only become clear to me later. Rolling over, I convinced myself that I had five more minutes. It's always five more minutes, isn't it? 20 minutes later I HAD to get up or we were going to be late. And my mom and dad would start the annoying hassling to get me out the door. I threw on my favorite jeans, a red tank top that I would later decide was too low cut and give to Goodwill, and my favorite new hoody from this awesome new store in the mall, Forever 21, that was black and white and covered in sheet music. I bet everyone there will already think I go there. We had already sent in my deposit to hold my spot. I may as well suck it up, this is the path that God has brought me to, time to put on your pumps with the bows and see where I will be spending the next four years of my life.
I didn't shower. I did my make up in the car. We drove my beloved Billy down there. I rode in the back, car sick the whole way. We had to make it quick because I had to be at work at 5. We had to be in Belmont at 8 am. Even then I wondered why on earth a college would schedule its campus visits so early on a Saturday if students were the one's leading them. Some things become clearer from the inside.
We did a bunch of random stuff that I don't remember, unimportant things that I thought were so crucial. We ate lunch in the cafeteria, and all of the students called it the "caf" which I thought was horrible and sounded stupid, so I vowed then and there I would never call it that. Then, all of a sudden, there he was. The boy. That one. The one I had seen last week in the musical, when we came to spy on the theatre that I was clearly going to become the star of. The one that's cast bio had made my heart flutter. That was him.
We met up for tours and things. I supposed I should probably get a better idea of the lay out of campus if I was going to have to come to school here. There he was again, he volunteered to take a group for a tour. No time like the present I thought. I took my first steps toward my future husband without even knowing. Uhhhhh who does this other girl think she is? Listen sister I know he's hot stuff, but clearly I am way more outgoing than you are so I've got you beat. My first thoughts about my very best friend couldn't have been any farther from the truth.
I had no idea the impact that freezing, windy day in March would have on my life. When I woke up and debated brushing my teeth, I couldn't have convinced myself, that would be the day that I would meet the love of my life. But it was. That was the day. It was the day that God had ordained in the beginning of time and I ever so begrudgingly followed Him. That day with sweaty feet and freezing hands, I checked him out for the first time. I loved the way that he knew I was flirting with him but played it off because he wanted everyone to know he was serious about his work.
I also instantly knew that this tiny little girl who had ruined my alone time with the older actor and I would never be friends because she wasn't Catholic. Why was she even going to a Catholic school? I was so right about my soul mate, and so wrong about the girl who became my best friend. The only girl who I swear has access to my mind, who has literally been there since day one, and whose truthful tongue cuts like a knife right through my BS. What a loss I would have suffered if I had written her off the first of many times she third wheeled our "date".
The moral of the story is that March 8th, 2008 was nothing special to me when I woke up and it has in turn been one of the single most pivotal days of my life. God gave me two of the biggest blessings ever, no less than five minutes apart. I didn't have the cutest outfit on. My hair did not look beautiful, in fact it was probably greasy. But that was THE day. The day that girls dream of.
What a difference 5 years have made in all three of our maturity, understanding and in our love. Praise the Lord that I have grown past the judgement, the imagined superiority and the "Catholic" box. I praise Him for the ways that I have changed and in the ways I have stayed the same, I can still spot him in a crowded room and my heart skips a beat. Every time I look at him, I still hear the whisper in my heart that I did the first time, "that's him."
I told my mom on the ride home that I was going to marry that boy. She said, "I know." Seventy days from now, I will.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
Friday Phone Dump: Valentines Edition
2)We bought wedding bands. :-) This was another one of those wedding to do's that made the whole thing become real. We have both had issues staying excited for the wedding. We are really tired of living apart from each other. I don't wanna live alone anymore. He doesn't want to commute back and forth in DC traffic anymore. I don't care about cakes, and favors, and invitations. I just wanna get married. I suppose this is a good thing. It'll come back. I know it.
On the wedding band subject, I have noticed a trend lately with blingy wedding bands. They are gorgeous. This gal I work with has the prettiest one I've ever seen. However, our wedding bands are plain. All of our parents wedding bands are plain, and I am pretty sure all of our grandparent's wedding bands were plain. I was thinking/praying about this idea a few weeks ago, because while the jewelry lady had tried to sell me a beautiful blingy diamond wedding band....I didn't want it. Which you wouldn't expect from me because my engagement ring is perfect for me and is very sparkly. I've come to this conclusion about the whole thing. Our wedding/engagement/dating has been very sparkly, we have had a lot of blessings, parties, gifts, trips, etc that were just part of being young and in love. Our relationship has been very blingy up until this point. But this is a step into a new life, one that will be considerably less sparkly at times, that requires great steadfastness and sacrifice. Marriage is about day in, day out, commitment solely to the life I share with my partner. Our first promise was to get married, in our case to have a big white wedding, a honeymoon and all the trimmings that come with getting married. This promise is about life long commitment. That's why we chose plain bands, because our marriage won't be about flashy things everyday, but about deep, abiding love. **disclaimer: if we were rich, I might feel differently about blingy wedding rings. :-)**
3) I finally french braided my own hair. Yes its inside out, I just can't get it to be normal. Keep practicin'.
4)My daddy made me feel good with a sweet email....after I told him how much more money I need for the wedding. ;-)
5)I decided to put in a throwback to camp. You can't tell but I am crying in this picture. I couldn't stand getting muddy. I don't know why. I just really hated it, but I did it for my campers. True, I only did it 2.5 times out of the 5 I was supposed to. But I really just couldn't stand it anymore. But I loved my campers and my summer staff and I miss them and pray for them always.
6)MY VALENTINES: my sweet baa boo sent me roses for the V Day...however we have a really big problem with surprises, so he told me about them last Thursday when I gave him his Valentine because I couldn't wait any longer than the two hours that I had it in my possession fail.
Also for my Valentine to myself, I bought a new table cloth, place mats and napkin rings. It was kind of silly how long I actually spent figuring out which I wanted.
7)This goes back to my comment early about not caring about the wedding at the present moment. My mom made a funny. She is just trying to make sure I get what I want. She's a good mama. And I'm sure whatever she picked for my cake will be spectacular and I will love shoving it into William's face.
8) I sent my Valentines, on Valentine's day. Sorry. At least you know I love you.
9)William McKenna nearly gave me a heart attack when he called me at 6 am on Monday to let me know that Pope Benedict would be resigning from his position as Pope. At first I was really sad. How could he do this to me? I am coming to see him in 92 days so that I can finally ask the man if he likes grilled cheese and he resigns?? I don't know if I can ask the new guy. What if he is lactose intolerant and that question would really hurt his feelings?
Moving on, I am so proud to be Catholic right now. In a world of instant gratification and me me me, Pope Benedict has shown the world what it is to be prudent and humble. I love the beautiful quote circulating, that Pope John Paul the Great taught us how to persevere and Pope Benedict is teaching us how to be humble. What a brave, brave man. I hope that he lives the remainder of his days in peace, doing what he loves best, with plenty of orange Fanta and Prada shoes galore. I love you Papa Benedicto!
That's my week. 92 days.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Friday Phone Dump
So my childhood friend does this on her blog every Friday and I think it is a brilliant way to show you what has been up in the life of me. And now that I finally have a phone worth showing you its pictures, it can commence.
(L to R) 1) my mama is planting these flowers in her garden in honor of her new son in law. 2) We have officially reached the double digits. Hallelujah. 3) I got a new stamp for my new last name. You may not know this about me, but I love stamps and I have about 567890 of them so this is tres exciting. 4) William's mom sent me this little gem. I hope my kids are half that cute. I just wanna pinch his cheeks. 5) I discovered Snap Chat and now my friends enjoy receiving pictures like this of me with my teddy bear. Lucky ducks. 6) This is the confirmation email of our flight for our honeymoon. I am probably going to pee in my pants with excitement. However I am uncomfortable with how close 720 and 815 are. If you get the reference, that is why we are friends.
Maybe next week I will have funner pictures.
Maybe next week I will have funner pictures.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
This week in ABC's
A- arranging all of the millions of boxes of Christmas stuff...fun.
B-bought the remaining stuff I need to make centerpieces, except one little piece, they are gonna be boss, aka I am going to like em.
C- cackling at The West Wing that William has been watching recently.
D- dreaming about our upcoming Roman vacation, I AM SO EXCITED!
E- Exercising....not. But this week, that will all change.
F- freezing to death because we got our December heating bill, and dropped the thermostat by 4 degrees. :-)
G- Griping because I am upset about my 2% pay roll tax. 2% is a lot when you are poor, but not poor enough to receive government benefits.
H- hating a particular someone for ruining the end of "Lost" for me. You will never be forgiven.
I- Invitations. It just occurred to me that three months before May 18th is not March 18th, its February 18th. So I am currently putting invitations together and we are deciding on the A list, B list and the people we don't actually want to send an invitation to but we are going to in hopes that they can't come but they will still send a present.:-)
J- Javert aka the bad guy in my new undertaking of reading Les Miserables. Maybe I'll be done before I change my name.
K- is for Krispy Kreme and King Street Blues, mine and William's new restaurant by our house. We could walk but its freezing in these here parts.
L- loving our last break before he doesn't have to leave anymore aka he is stuck with me forever. Lifetime without the chance of parole.
M- missing my family, A LOT.
N- is for Cheer cheer cheer for old NOTRE DAME!! Great season.
O- one hundred and twenty six days.
P- Pinning. Always pinning.
Q- quality time with my sweet baa boo, including lots of LOST and lots of Italy planning.
R- I am planning on reusing some of my Christmas lights in some classy decorating, not dorm room style, pictures to come.
S- the Simpsons app on William's I phone has woken me up or scared me or annoyed me no less that 56789 times this week,
T- turkey sandwiches.
U- Usurped William's guess that they Bronco's would win. The Ravens are my super bowl pick. Bow to the queen.
V- very Hipster glasses, aka William's new glasses. Circa 1960. Love.
W- wishing wishing wishing that May 18th- 25th would come quickly and pass slowly.
X- I kind of knew from the beginning of this post that I wouldn't have an X. Oh well.
Y- yawn, this whole alphabet thing took a lot more thought than I thought it would.
Z- for zebra, I don't have to have a reason.
lovesies.
B-bought the remaining stuff I need to make centerpieces, except one little piece, they are gonna be boss, aka I am going to like em.
C- cackling at The West Wing that William has been watching recently.
D- dreaming about our upcoming Roman vacation, I AM SO EXCITED!
E- Exercising....not. But this week, that will all change.
F- freezing to death because we got our December heating bill, and dropped the thermostat by 4 degrees. :-)
G- Griping because I am upset about my 2% pay roll tax. 2% is a lot when you are poor, but not poor enough to receive government benefits.
H- hating a particular someone for ruining the end of "Lost" for me. You will never be forgiven.
I- Invitations. It just occurred to me that three months before May 18th is not March 18th, its February 18th. So I am currently putting invitations together and we are deciding on the A list, B list and the people we don't actually want to send an invitation to but we are going to in hopes that they can't come but they will still send a present.:-)
J- Javert aka the bad guy in my new undertaking of reading Les Miserables. Maybe I'll be done before I change my name.
K- is for Krispy Kreme and King Street Blues, mine and William's new restaurant by our house. We could walk but its freezing in these here parts.
L- loving our last break before he doesn't have to leave anymore aka he is stuck with me forever. Lifetime without the chance of parole.
M- missing my family, A LOT.
N- is for Cheer cheer cheer for old NOTRE DAME!! Great season.
O- one hundred and twenty six days.
P- Pinning. Always pinning.
Q- quality time with my sweet baa boo, including lots of LOST and lots of Italy planning.
R- I am planning on reusing some of my Christmas lights in some classy decorating, not dorm room style, pictures to come.
S- the Simpsons app on William's I phone has woken me up or scared me or annoyed me no less that 56789 times this week,
T- turkey sandwiches.
U- Usurped William's guess that they Bronco's would win. The Ravens are my super bowl pick. Bow to the queen.
V- very Hipster glasses, aka William's new glasses. Circa 1960. Love.
W- wishing wishing wishing that May 18th- 25th would come quickly and pass slowly.
X- I kind of knew from the beginning of this post that I wouldn't have an X. Oh well.
Y- yawn, this whole alphabet thing took a lot more thought than I thought it would.
Z- for zebra, I don't have to have a reason.
lovesies.
Friday, January 4, 2013
10 Simple Things
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I am pretty sure this year is going to be my favorite year yet. We are 4 months and two weeks away from the wedding (what???) which is also 134 days. That is an incredible jump from the 400+ days that we started with. I would say it has flown by, but I like to be transparent on this sucker.
Since the holidays have come and gone, leaving a bevy of engaged young ladies in its wake, I decided to make a list of 10 Simple Things that I have learned whilst trying to plan our wedding. I am by no means an expert but experience is the best teacher. I will probably have to make a Part 2 after the wedding because I am sure there are going to be more flubs in the future.
Without further ado....
10 Simple Things To Do and Not Do When Planning Your Wedding
1) This ones for the MEN: Propose in a time frame where you would get married in the next 6-9 months. It gets really hard to wait on a lot of things, a lot of my mistakes came from trying to start things to early because I had a year plus to plan. I will elaborate more on this later.
2) Join The Knot: This website has guided me A LOT in time management. If I had obeyed its awesome To Do list, I would have saved money for sure. And if you need ideas they have a huge database of dresses, floral arrangements, invitations, etc and they also have most vendors in your area reviewed and rated. There are also some really great Q&A articles about etiquette etc. Its really helpful, I had one before we were engaged because I'm a freak but it is really helpful. I printed a To Do list out for myself and one for my mom, so that we would be able to keep up with the list on hard copy and keep all our paper contracts in one place.
3) BEWARE giving out your email: I have two email addresses; my school one which became my junk one that I give out when I know you are going to send me a bunch of BS I don't care about, and then the one I used for important stuff, bills, Craft of the Day from Martha Stewart, and personal emails. I thought that wedding stuff wouldn't be junk and I should just give out my personal email so I don't miss all of those awesome opportunities! False. I get no less that 30 emails a day from Wedding stuff that I couldn't care less about. I am currently in a purge of unsubscribing from these bitties. Yes this sounds like common sense, mostly because it is.
4) Registering: Don't register too early, however if you feel like you have to, it will be okay because you can update it online. William and I registered in April, mostly because I had just totaled my car and I was really sad and I was moving to a new state soon and we didn't want to run out of time. It was a fun date (for the first hour) and then we got ice cream and went to see a movie. But since then, because I have moved three times since then, we have had to go ahead and get things that we really needed but had registered for already. For instance, I lived for 2 months without a microwave and then was like WRRRRRONNNG. Santa brought me one so that I could eat hot food. Thank you Santa. We also registered for the Big Bang Theory, all of the seasons on DVD, and William's sister got him the first season for Christmas. We haven't gotten any presents from our registry yet and I have just had to keep updating it. Make your registry a little bit before you send out your invites or whatever tells people where you are registered.
5) Time Talent Treasure: I have made in abundantly clear that I refuse to spend a ton of money on the wedding. This is all well and good but weddings require a lot of things that cost money. How does one still have the beautiful wedding that you want but not have to refinance your soul? William and I are so blessed to be surrounded by generous people. People have/ are giving us more gifts of time, talent and treasure than we could possibly name. We are so grateful. We will treasure these things far above the toaster oven someone we will never see again will give us. For instance: my dear sweet Johnny is addressing our invitations because he can write beautiful calligraphy (I'm pretty sure he is going to address his own in pencil chicken scratch, but I don't blame him). This is a huge gift of time and talent. My grandparents have the most beautiful car, the same make, model and color of the one they left their wedding in, and they are letting us use it for the wedding. An example of treasure that is being shared to make our wedding beautiful. Ask the people around you to do things. Do you have a friend with a beautiful voice, ask them to sing. Do you have an army of laborers that will help you to put things together? Use them. People love you and want to feel included in your day.
6) Bridesmaid Dresses: Now, I have the most wonderful bridesmaids ever, I am blessed with a support system of beautiful women that are there for me no matter what. There is one in Minnesota, one in Winston Salem, three in Charlotte, and one in Baltimore, and I am in the pit of Hell aka NOVA. We are far spread. I wanted to be helpful and not make everyone have to make a trip to a central location so I just showed them a selection of dresses I really liked and a place from which they could order them. This sounds like a really nice and considerate idea. FALSE. It really just ended up being more stressful for them. I should have just added some extra time somewhere and had everyone that could come, come and get their dress at once and then if someone couldn't, we would figure it out. Just do it up right, have a scene from outta Bridesmaids minus the explosive diarrhea. It's fun and will be 56708 times less stressful.
7) Practical: There is a bevy of places from which you can order things for your wedding, however, I have had the best experience with Oriental Trading ( SO CHEAP) and they have a huge variety of things, and surprisingly, I received this advice from another bride, check Ebay and search "cancelled wedding" People cancel fully planned weddings all the time and then have tons of stuff they just want out of the way. Etsy is also awesome, you get an original work of art that no one else will ever have. I like it. Also Groupon and Living Social can be really helpful.
AND THIS AMAZING WEBSITE. I am not exaggerating when I say this website has saved me close to $500 dollars, it gives you codes for free shipping, and percentages off of purchases. I use it for everything now. If you don't do anything else that I suggested in this blog, and even if you aren't getting married, check out this website.
8) Have no less than 10 people look over things you get printed : SERIOUSLY. I ordered these invitations, (too early I might add). Our first batch of invitations were lovely but didn't have the church on it. FAIL. William looked at them, my mom looked at them, I looked at them, my sister looked at them, my dad looked at them. And yet we still ordered invitations with no location on them. The second batch, all those people looked at them, three bridesmaids, the MOG and his sister. These better be perfect. Or else. (yes I judged myself by making reference to the MOG instead of just saying William's mom, but it was convenient)
9)Take Things With A Grain of Salt: It is impossible to plan and execute a wedding the way you have it envisioned without hurting someone's feelings. Someone is going to get mad at you. Someone is going to feel snubbed. Someone will try to cause drama. OH WELL. Get over it, just let it roll of your back. You cannot make yourself and everyone else happy at the same time. But the truth of the matter is that this is your wedding. They are going to be involved in 100 more weddings, but you only get one. This is not to say that if someone's feelings are seriously hurt you shouldn't apologize but seriously. Someone's pissed and doesn't want to come because of something you may have said 2 years ago? Oh well. Don't come. Saves me money. Didn't address something correctly? Sorry. Didn't invite someone that you wouldn't know from Adam? It's your wedding. The most important thing about this wedding is the marriage. Period.
10) If You want something a certain way: If you want something a certain way and someone else has to do it; for example; the music, make sure you go in to your meeting or whatever with a very concise yet exhaustive plan. It's your wedding, if you want something, know what you want, and get it done. If you want something else done a certain way, do it yourself. Keep people's limitations in mind. For example: I wanted to do my Bridal portraits at my Grandma's house, they have beautiful barns and a big white house and huge fields perfect for fun bridals. However, they aren't young anymore and if I asked them to do that, I know they would stress and try and make sure everything is manicured and gorgeous, and I don't want to put that stress on them. Ergo, I chose somewhere else, where it's their job to keep their lawns manicured.
This is my advice. Take it or leave it. I am stoked for my wedding and wish I had listened to this advice before I got well into planning.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Christmas Capers
Today was a day of Yuletide Merriment. I arranged three days off for work so I could spend some Christmastime with my sweet baa boo before he goes to Austria for a week before Christmas, poor thing. This afternoon we went on the long awaited "special date" that I have been promising for two weeks. I wouldn't tell him what the plans were and if you know my beloved, you know how he LOVES to not know what's going on (please read the appropriate amount of sarcasm into this comment). We took the Metro (joy, the novelty does indeed wear off) because we didn't want to worry about parking.
First stop, the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. William is a wonderful influence on my spiritual life, and encouraged me to make a good confession before Christmas. So that was fun (not) but really wonderful and I was very thankful for such a wonderful gift. Best part of this leg of the trip (besides absolution) was seeing the 5 dominican brothers, in their capes!! I want one so bad. Why wasn't I born into a life where I could wear a cape and not be a freak?
Stop two, we went to our favorite meal, Chipotle and William defended me from a rabbit sized man eating pigeon. The we set off to see the National Christmas Tree, which was disappointing firstly because it had colored lights instead of white (because our nation is being overtaken by yankees) and second because the stupid people are already setting up for the stupid inauguration so there was scaffolding everywhere. Ugly. But, it was pretty and kinda romantic because the sun was setting and it was chilly and there was a Christmas tree.
We were so excited, and we had a great time and loved the show. We also enjoyed people watching because thats what we do when we go out. Tops of the night include a half dressed mother who had her 12 year old daughter with her dressed in a floor length princess gown and cape, a couple who carried around a stuffed ninja to take pictures with (kinda like Kate and Biscuit the Meerkat, may he rest in peace) and also our people who were sitting beside us disappearing. We could have been friends with us because they couldn't come back to sit beside us because they made fun of the people who came back late last time.
This was the stage at intermission. ^^^ Soooo cool.
That was our day and we had a great time. He is such a great companion.
OH AND ONE LAST THING.
I have been saving this for a while because I wanted to show Johnny first, on his visit a few weeks ago. Great friend, harsh critic, I had him notice all the things I didn't like about it first that I said to myself whilst I was working "Johnny is going to notice that and make fun." He lived up to my expectations and complimented my work so now I can post it.
First stop, the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. William is a wonderful influence on my spiritual life, and encouraged me to make a good confession before Christmas. So that was fun (not) but really wonderful and I was very thankful for such a wonderful gift. Best part of this leg of the trip (besides absolution) was seeing the 5 dominican brothers, in their capes!! I want one so bad. Why wasn't I born into a life where I could wear a cape and not be a freak?
Stop two, we went to our favorite meal, Chipotle and William defended me from a rabbit sized man eating pigeon. The we set off to see the National Christmas Tree, which was disappointing firstly because it had colored lights instead of white (because our nation is being overtaken by yankees) and second because the stupid people are already setting up for the stupid inauguration so there was scaffolding everywhere. Ugly. But, it was pretty and kinda romantic because the sun was setting and it was chilly and there was a Christmas tree.
The view in the other direction. So purty.
Then we got cupcakes and they were delicious. There is a little jewel of a bakery hidden in Union Station and they have FANTASTIC cupcakes. William got a Black and White Cookie and I got a brownie cupcake, that was devils food, homemade chocolate icing and brownie bites on top. Heaven.
This is where it got amusing. William all day had been trying to guess what we were going to do because I had refused to tell him and simply had told him that it was a big surprise for him and he was going to love it. Here are some of my favorite guesses:
1) Did you buy me tickets to go see something by Belmont Abbey? Because I love Bill but I don't wanna pay to hear him speak.
2) Are we going to see a bunch of religious at some meet and greet?
3) Did you coordinate a party with my mom and dad to celebrate the end of the semester? HA.
William's number one fear was that we were going to see the Nutcracker. He will swear that he loves the ballet, but the last time we went 2 years ago, we were orchestra center and he fell asleep before intermission. So the entire day, he kept asking if we were going to see the ballet. Finally, I made him think that's what were doing. I wish someone could have seen the disappointment on his face. I told him that I thought he would like it because he liked it so much last time and his dad had just been to see it last week. The sport put on his brave face and was ready to suffer through it again. I only fed into this by humming classics from the ballet.
So I had no idea that the two theaters were so close, but apparently they are right across the street from each other, so I had William convinced as we walked towards it that another onslaught of dancing was coming.
But then we turned the corner for....
That was our day and we had a great time. He is such a great companion.
OH AND ONE LAST THING.
I have been saving this for a while because I wanted to show Johnny first, on his visit a few weeks ago. Great friend, harsh critic, I had him notice all the things I didn't like about it first that I said to myself whilst I was working "Johnny is going to notice that and make fun." He lived up to my expectations and complimented my work so now I can post it.
MY PRETTY ENTRANCE WAY!!
I did this one afternoon while William studied. It was long and tedious but I absolutely love it. I still need to erase some pencil marks and touch up some areas but I think its beautiful.
I have a post coming soon about forgiveness but right now I'm tired.
XOXO,
Laura
Thursday, November 8, 2012
alone (uh-lohn): separate, apart, or isolated from others
WARNING: Be careful to glean the actual meaning from what I am about to tell you, before just assuming that I am whining about my solitude, because this blog, is in fact, devoid of whine.
As you may or may not know I currently am living solo, preparing a "nest" for William and I to live in once we are wed. We are indeed blessed beyond measure and have a lovely home that I am so thankful for. I am having the time of my life decorating (Rome wasn't built in a day and this is taking equally as long).
However, I am CONSTANTLY alone. Unless I am at the restaurant with my wonderful community that I love so dearly, or William and I get the rare chance to see one another, or he comes to visit me, I am by myself. Now for some this may sound kind of like a dream come true. All this time to myself, no screaming children, limited amounts of drama that I can leave at the restaurant, plenty of time to wedding plan, any music I want, I can walk around the apartment in any state I so desire, the temperature is my choice, the lighting, what I eat, when I eat, where I eat, I can watch all the Netflix I want and spend much needed time with my best friends, the Kardashians. Everything is as clean as I want it, everything is where I last put it, no one steals my treats, I can be completely in tune with my thoughts and do whatever I so please. Dream. Come. True.
On the contrary, I have only recently begun to view it this way. Poor William, Johnny, Katie and my mom receive the brunt of my loneliness with such messages being sent as:
Laura to Katie: Have you seen the episode where scott drunkenly crashes kim's birthday dinner? i'm so stressed from it!
Laura to Johnny: Guess what just came on pandora? Love on Top and then Gospel Truth from Hercules. Perf.
Laura to William: Do you like it?
William: I love it.
L: Do you really like it?
L: Like really really?
W: Yes.
L: would you tell me if you didn't like it?
W: Yes.
L: are you sure?
While, as previously stated, I am the most content with my life right now than I ever have been, I have only recently learned to like being alone. In college, I swear I was never alone. There was always someone around, someone that wanted to see you, or you wanted to see, or neither of you actually wanted to see each other but knew that the other didn't want to be alone so you simply tolerated each other for the sake of company. Same living with my family, I am with Blove and Thomas like 23 hours a day when I am home. I love being around people. My mom used to call me "The Social Butterfly" of our family. In the past, there was not a day when I didn't have something to do, someone to see, somewhere to be. And I LOVE that. I love taking care of people, investing in project, learning about others, I love affection, I dearly miss the Abbey where I could just walk outside and see someone who would at least LET me hug them. I always had opportunities to love and serve people around me. I've never really had my own room. In fact in college, I moved out of my solo room because I was too lonely. I am a communal being. The epitome of a sorority girl. I LOVE COMMUNITY, more so even than my intended. I would be perfectly happy to be a Siamese twin I think. But in this part of my life, there are days and days on end where the only thing I have to do is go to work. And then come home. To no one. While the restaurant supplies me with every possible human interaction I could ever want and not want, I obviously have to maintain a line of professionalism. So intimate relationships there are nil. At this time in my life, I have had to learn how to keep myself company and it has led to some startling and fun conclusions.
1) I am never bored. EVER. You know how you sit on your computer and pin all these things on pinterest and say to yourself "Self, one day we will do all these things." Not me. I actually do them. Just from where I sit in my favorite spot, I can count five Pinterest inspired things in my room (which to be honest is quite barren because as I said, Rome wasn't built in a day) I have refinished an end table, printed large b&w prints from staples, made a 3 mirror thing so I can see all angles, refinished a stool to put at my vanity, and based the color pallet of my room off of some designs from Pinterest. While to some this just says that I am a freak, to me it is impressive and not to toot my own horn, impresses me that I haven't procrastinated and I am not stuck in my ways. I am always trying to find better and prettier ways of doing things around the house.
2) If I make my bed, I won't come back to it. Making my bed makes me feel great. And I don't nap or waste time on the computer if I make my bed because I don't want to mess it up because its so pretty and time consuming.
3) If I designate places for things to be, I won't lose them (as often as I usually do).
4) I can entertain, discipline, and provide for myself. I feel like this is probably the most important thing that I have learned about myself. And to be completely candid, the entire reason I am posting this post. Ever since The Fall, no not God's favorite season because of football and pumpkins, but the Original Fall from Grace, like Adam and Eve, I think it has been one of the subsequent consequences of Original Sin that women feel like they MUST have a man to be happy.
It is interesting to me, that for me and most of my girlfriends that I know have experienced the same thing, that when it comes time for me to say, "Goodnight" to William, he can say good night, kiss me and say I love you, and walk out the door. It's as easy as pie to him. Yeah, I know he doesn't really like it. He would rather be with me but there he goes out in to the great blue yonder without so much as a flinch. It was the same in college with my other girlfriends, I had a friend, and I am guilty of this too, that sometimes when her man would leave for the night she would almost be brought to tears. I try and hold on to his hands a little longer, find any excuse for him not to leave, pout, act like a child, and am literally heart broken over him leaving, even though I will see him soon. It sounds crazy, mostly because it is, but these feelings of abandonment and loneliness are so deeply sown in the hearts of women that its difficult to act like a normal human being sometimes. Once I recognize what's going on and give it the appropriate response it deserves it's easier to act like an adult but those feelings are still there. Genesis 3:16 says, "To the woman He said: "I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master."" Uhhh, maybe someone forgot to mention that this overwhelming desire to be with my husband was part of this Original Sin punishment thing. My urge is definitely for my husband. And there he goes...out the door. The master of his own destiny. And here I am. Alone. Again. Now, I won't even give any attention to the part about him being my master, what ever, if you give it the slightest bit of normal human thought instead of Feminist circa 1960's bra burning craziness, you can see that being the "master" is sometimes just as difficult as being the "mastered".
Where am I going with this? Living alone has taught me that, yes I want to get married. The urge in my heart is for my husband and soon I will only have to say "Good night" and rarely "good bye". It is 191 days away and I am stoked. However, God forbid anything should happen, I could be perfectly fine on my own until my circumstances changed. I can certainly keep my self occupied. I have been getting up at 8:30 everyday, well almost every day. I eat pretty healthy, and I rarely eat out, unless it is with William. I find ways to entertain myself that don't cost much money or if it does, its something useful that we will have around for a long time, not like a manicure or something. My apartment is clean. William has done a lot of iron on iron for me as far as making me a better, more organized and well rounded person. But I am doing pretty well on my own.
My one bit of advice to my friends that I am learning from being engaged is make it a short engagement. 6 months is sufficient. The rest of that time is superfluous waiting, and awkward. Make it quick. However, I can clearly see God's hand in this and how He gave me this time to be reflective and confident in my own abilities and worth, sans my better half. Living alone has given me a chance to love myself, spend time with me, get to know what I actually prefer and what things I was actually just doing to make the people I lived with more comfortable. Solitude has shown me my heart and the quiet ways that the Lord speaks to it.
That being said, I'm tired of living alone and need these 191 days to fly so I can get back to what I do best, that is, taking care of someone.
As you may or may not know I currently am living solo, preparing a "nest" for William and I to live in once we are wed. We are indeed blessed beyond measure and have a lovely home that I am so thankful for. I am having the time of my life decorating (Rome wasn't built in a day and this is taking equally as long).
However, I am CONSTANTLY alone. Unless I am at the restaurant with my wonderful community that I love so dearly, or William and I get the rare chance to see one another, or he comes to visit me, I am by myself. Now for some this may sound kind of like a dream come true. All this time to myself, no screaming children, limited amounts of drama that I can leave at the restaurant, plenty of time to wedding plan, any music I want, I can walk around the apartment in any state I so desire, the temperature is my choice, the lighting, what I eat, when I eat, where I eat, I can watch all the Netflix I want and spend much needed time with my best friends, the Kardashians. Everything is as clean as I want it, everything is where I last put it, no one steals my treats, I can be completely in tune with my thoughts and do whatever I so please. Dream. Come. True.
On the contrary, I have only recently begun to view it this way. Poor William, Johnny, Katie and my mom receive the brunt of my loneliness with such messages being sent as:
Laura to Katie: Have you seen the episode where scott drunkenly crashes kim's birthday dinner? i'm so stressed from it!
Laura to Johnny: Guess what just came on pandora? Love on Top and then Gospel Truth from Hercules. Perf.
Laura to William: Do you like it?
William: I love it.
L: Do you really like it?
L: Like really really?
W: Yes.
L: would you tell me if you didn't like it?
W: Yes.
L: are you sure?
While, as previously stated, I am the most content with my life right now than I ever have been, I have only recently learned to like being alone. In college, I swear I was never alone. There was always someone around, someone that wanted to see you, or you wanted to see, or neither of you actually wanted to see each other but knew that the other didn't want to be alone so you simply tolerated each other for the sake of company. Same living with my family, I am with Blove and Thomas like 23 hours a day when I am home. I love being around people. My mom used to call me "The Social Butterfly" of our family. In the past, there was not a day when I didn't have something to do, someone to see, somewhere to be. And I LOVE that. I love taking care of people, investing in project, learning about others, I love affection, I dearly miss the Abbey where I could just walk outside and see someone who would at least LET me hug them. I always had opportunities to love and serve people around me. I've never really had my own room. In fact in college, I moved out of my solo room because I was too lonely. I am a communal being. The epitome of a sorority girl. I LOVE COMMUNITY, more so even than my intended. I would be perfectly happy to be a Siamese twin I think. But in this part of my life, there are days and days on end where the only thing I have to do is go to work. And then come home. To no one. While the restaurant supplies me with every possible human interaction I could ever want and not want, I obviously have to maintain a line of professionalism. So intimate relationships there are nil. At this time in my life, I have had to learn how to keep myself company and it has led to some startling and fun conclusions.
1) I am never bored. EVER. You know how you sit on your computer and pin all these things on pinterest and say to yourself "Self, one day we will do all these things." Not me. I actually do them. Just from where I sit in my favorite spot, I can count five Pinterest inspired things in my room (which to be honest is quite barren because as I said, Rome wasn't built in a day) I have refinished an end table, printed large b&w prints from staples, made a 3 mirror thing so I can see all angles, refinished a stool to put at my vanity, and based the color pallet of my room off of some designs from Pinterest. While to some this just says that I am a freak, to me it is impressive and not to toot my own horn, impresses me that I haven't procrastinated and I am not stuck in my ways. I am always trying to find better and prettier ways of doing things around the house.
2) If I make my bed, I won't come back to it. Making my bed makes me feel great. And I don't nap or waste time on the computer if I make my bed because I don't want to mess it up because its so pretty and time consuming.
3) If I designate places for things to be, I won't lose them (as often as I usually do).
4) I can entertain, discipline, and provide for myself. I feel like this is probably the most important thing that I have learned about myself. And to be completely candid, the entire reason I am posting this post. Ever since The Fall, no not God's favorite season because of football and pumpkins, but the Original Fall from Grace, like Adam and Eve, I think it has been one of the subsequent consequences of Original Sin that women feel like they MUST have a man to be happy.
It is interesting to me, that for me and most of my girlfriends that I know have experienced the same thing, that when it comes time for me to say, "Goodnight" to William, he can say good night, kiss me and say I love you, and walk out the door. It's as easy as pie to him. Yeah, I know he doesn't really like it. He would rather be with me but there he goes out in to the great blue yonder without so much as a flinch. It was the same in college with my other girlfriends, I had a friend, and I am guilty of this too, that sometimes when her man would leave for the night she would almost be brought to tears. I try and hold on to his hands a little longer, find any excuse for him not to leave, pout, act like a child, and am literally heart broken over him leaving, even though I will see him soon. It sounds crazy, mostly because it is, but these feelings of abandonment and loneliness are so deeply sown in the hearts of women that its difficult to act like a normal human being sometimes. Once I recognize what's going on and give it the appropriate response it deserves it's easier to act like an adult but those feelings are still there. Genesis 3:16 says, "To the woman He said: "I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master."" Uhhh, maybe someone forgot to mention that this overwhelming desire to be with my husband was part of this Original Sin punishment thing. My urge is definitely for my husband. And there he goes...out the door. The master of his own destiny. And here I am. Alone. Again. Now, I won't even give any attention to the part about him being my master, what ever, if you give it the slightest bit of normal human thought instead of Feminist circa 1960's bra burning craziness, you can see that being the "master" is sometimes just as difficult as being the "mastered".
Where am I going with this? Living alone has taught me that, yes I want to get married. The urge in my heart is for my husband and soon I will only have to say "Good night" and rarely "good bye". It is 191 days away and I am stoked. However, God forbid anything should happen, I could be perfectly fine on my own until my circumstances changed. I can certainly keep my self occupied. I have been getting up at 8:30 everyday, well almost every day. I eat pretty healthy, and I rarely eat out, unless it is with William. I find ways to entertain myself that don't cost much money or if it does, its something useful that we will have around for a long time, not like a manicure or something. My apartment is clean. William has done a lot of iron on iron for me as far as making me a better, more organized and well rounded person. But I am doing pretty well on my own.
My one bit of advice to my friends that I am learning from being engaged is make it a short engagement. 6 months is sufficient. The rest of that time is superfluous waiting, and awkward. Make it quick. However, I can clearly see God's hand in this and how He gave me this time to be reflective and confident in my own abilities and worth, sans my better half. Living alone has given me a chance to love myself, spend time with me, get to know what I actually prefer and what things I was actually just doing to make the people I lived with more comfortable. Solitude has shown me my heart and the quiet ways that the Lord speaks to it.
That being said, I'm tired of living alone and need these 191 days to fly so I can get back to what I do best, that is, taking care of someone.
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