For Richer for Poorer...or just poorer

Recently I have been giving a lot of thought about the cost of the wedding. I REFUSE  for us to go into debt over a PARTY.  Someone said to me recently that a wedding really isn't for you. Its for impressing your guests. Negative. No. Not doing it.

Thus far I am really proud that the majority of the money spent has been put towards a better cause with the wedding being a happy receptor of the benefits. Example: my wedding dress was donated by its designer and what I paid for it went to support a family who was struggling with breast cancer. I feel good about that. Wedding shoes. Judge away and they may be trendy, but I bought Tom's so that I know I am only going to wear them like one time (maybe) but some kid in Africa is going to wear the other pair that I paid for until they don't fit anymore.

I found this statistical analysis on how much people spend on weddings and I am proud to say that as of right now ::fingers crossed:: we have one more than average bridesmaid, 150 more guests than average, and are still coming WAY under what most people spend on a wedding.

May 19th, 2013

Photo credit to William's sister, Maggie McKenna. Everyone has a different opinion of what's going on in this picture but I remember exactly.

Working in the restaurant business can be more than interesting. What makes it such an interesting line of work is the people. I meet so many people a day and hear so many different stories it really boggles me. Not only do I meet the vendors, customers, and such but also because the business is such an accessible one to work in, if you have the patience and ability to multi task, I work with people from all backgrounds, traditions, ages, shapes, color and size. Spending so much time with this diverse group of people leads to some interesting conversations and new view points. Being the new kid on the block I spend a lot of time learning about the people I work with and they want to know all about me.

Probably one of my favorite groups in the restaurant is the hostesses. I have such a heart for high schoolers and with the latest wedding fad, EVERYDAY,  they ask about the wedding. They ask about being in love. They ask about William. They ask about our plans. They ask how we met. EVERY DAY. This week is exciting for me because William and I will be living within thirty minutes of each other for the first time in 9 months. I am beyond elated that he will be close enough to get to whenever I want to. So I was telling my little hostesses about this and it struck up an interesting conversation. It's not the first time it has come up but it was definitely got me thinking.

Hostess: So when is William moving in with you?
Laura: May 19th, 2013.
Hostess: What? You're not living together before you get married?
Laura: No.
Hostess: Are you sure that's a good idea? How do you know that you can live with him?

I paused for a second because the societal background of this question broke my heart. Why has marriage become a question of being comfortable? I know I can live with him because I am saying I am going to. No matter how difficult. I feel like the basic premises of living together we have down pat.

1) Neither of us is an ax murderer or cannibal.
2) We sleep in a bed.
3)We are comparably clean, although he is more organized than I am.

I don't understand why our society believes that for our marriage to be successful we have to do a trial run first. What kind of love is that? William isn't a new vacuum or a car that I am just "trying out" to make sure that it's the right fit. Isn't that why we dated? The idea that I would stop loving or not want to have a life with this person because of something like his living habits boggles me. Wouldn't I have figured that out by now if there were some kind of huge deal breaker? I realize that when we get married and do live together that I am going to discover things about him that I never knew and even scarier still, things about myself that I didn't even know. But it saddens me to think that this average 17 year old girl doesn't think that a marriage could be successful without giving it a test drive first.

Prior to this discussion, someone else asked me why we weren't living together. I asked him what the difference between living together when you are dating and living together when you are married.
He gave me a pretty standard answer stating that they were pretty similar except one you could leave, and the other is harder to leave. Then I asked, well then if you are already living together when you get married, what changes? You are MOST LIKELY (not always) already having sex, you have worked through the kinks of living together, you already share bills and responsibilities, perhaps share a pet, and then you get married. Now what? You had a big party. Now to separate you have to fill out some paper work instead of just leaving. What has changed? Why is your marriage any more special than when you were just dating? You took away all of the things to look forward to in marriage. There are no surprises, nothing new or exciting. Its just life as usual with two new pieces of jewelry and 4  new toasters. You have already experienced most of the joys, especially if you have had children, and now all that's left to experience are the sorrows and trials. Whats even scarier about this is that my potential mate if I am living by this standard, may have had multiple trial marriages, carrying around so much emotional and physical baggage from this trial marriage that didn't work out because of one thing or another. Unless there is some HUGE difference between the two of you that would usually be figured out in normal conversation (cannibalism,  differing political views, huge incompatibilities) then maybe you shouldn't be getting married, period. Marriage is about compromise and change and growth and if you can't live with someone because they leave the toilet seat up or snore, then maybe marriage isn't for you. I feel like that is an idea that people are afraid to entertain but the truth is marriage is REALLY hard and it isn't for everyone, but that's an entirely different rant.

So, in short, William and I are not living together before we get married because we don't have to, we don't need to, and no matter what sort of living habits I wake up to the morning after our honey moon, this is no 90 day trial, and we are in this for good because we love each other. The end.

Birds of a Feather

Today, I decided to take a note out of my fiance's book ( PS check out his blog, link over there>>>) and write about marriage instead of the wedding. While both are important, the marriage definitely takes the cake. Recently, I was reflecting on the reasons why I had chosen to marry William. They are so numerous and easy when I look at our companionship and the attraction and affection that I feel for him and he feels for me. But objectively, why am I marrying him? Sometimes when I think about things like this, I like to reflect on what I would want for my sister, one of my best friends or my sorority sisters. Just the other day I was doing some searching for a beau for a friend and I was surprised by the criteria other people were throwing into the conversation. Well dressed, jocky, cocky, tall, likes to go out, nice, a good person, someone I can get along with. What is it exactly that women should be looking for?

First and foremost, I am very attracted to William. The day I met him I knew I was going to marry him. Attraction is essential. We are very silly together and he knows the most intimate details and secrets of my heart. He always opens doors for me, helps me with everything he is able to, makes me laugh, stimulates my mind, keeps me engaged in conversations, regularly sends me flowers, polishes away my rough edges, and puts up with my silly shenanigans. These were excellent reasons to date him, to make him my friend and to invest so much time with him. But looking at these reasons, I consider them weak reasons to get married. 

I was reflecting and praying the other day about friendships I have had that were very intimate and special and close to my heart, and how those people were some of the best friends I had ever had but the friendship had fizzled out. People say you should marry your best friend, and while I happen to be lucky enough to be marrying mine, I still don't think the bonds of our friendship are the reason or the basis for a lasting marriage. 

Friendships and attractions fade. Mediocrity, while it should always be battled, ultimately sinks into our life without our noticing.  I had this wonderful friend that told me a story about a friend of a friend. After a heated argument, this lady's five year old daughter asked her how she knew her daddy was never going to leave her. The mother just smiled and said, "Because I know your daddy loves Jesus more than he loves me." 

It is really simple and kind of cliche to say to marry a good Christian. While that is something I wanted for myself, for my sisters and for my friends but I want more than that for them. Marrying for virtue and for a hard line relationship with God and dedication to the good is the most important aspect. Even for my non Christian friends I would encourage you to find a man that has a strong understanding and definition of "the Good" and realizes the difference between right and wrong and is not drowning in relative BS.  Attraction, friendship, laughter, sweetness, affection, and intelligence are all nice perks but the reason and basis of my confidence in marrying William, is his dedication to the Lord and his constant pursuit of the Good. When our bubbling conversation grows into comfortable silence, when the newness and shyness of our bodies fade, when the flowers stop, and we eventually begin to wear on each others nerves, I can trust that William will do the right thing, the honest and good thing. That every Sunday come hell or high water he will be at Mass, and that no matter what, this marriage is until one of us is put in the ground. Marry a man of integrity, with an understanding and dedication to the Good. 

That's what I think. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear it. 

302 days

At the prompting of my sister and maid of honor, who is an 11 year old sage, I am going to be blogging for the next year about all the things that go into preparing for marriage, planning and executing a wedding full of southern charm and Irish traditions, all while falling more deeply in love with my fiancee.

We are getting married May 18th, 2013, which in my opinion is terribly too far away for my sanity. Right now we have all of the big picture details, church, officiant, bridal party, reception venue and the dress. I recently moved away from my hometown where we are getting married so I had to get all of those big details hammered out early. Now we play the waiting game.

I am learning a few things. There are a lot of things that it is good to do early.
1) Reserving the officiant, church and reception venue

2)Get a budget nailed out

3) Start getting in shape

But I am learning the hard and expensive way that there are a lot more things that it is important to wait till closer to the time.
1) Ordering invitations (this is an interesting predicament)

2)Asking friends to do things for your wedding

Most people get married in the 6-9 month range after they get engaged for a reason. This sitting on my hands thing is absolutely no fun. Luckily, I have several fun things coming up soon. My fiancee's family is throwing us an engagement party September 15th and my bachelorette party is 3 weeks after that.

So, I will be blogging through the process of choosing the details, celebrating and falling more in love.

Me and my best friend right after we got engaged!